The Eisenhower Years and That Damn Mini ChooChoo Train!

A dramedy in one act

by Don Grigware

Characters:

Delia McFee is a 50+ moderately contented housewife who lives in an apartment  with her non-religious workaholic husband Dave and 12 year-old son Eddie, a 7^th grader. Delia is a very strict Catholic, who says the rosary every night and engineers everything in her household to be the way she likes/wants it all to be. She is strong-willed, opinionated, manipulative and … a talented woman who must face the fact that she is going nowhere.

Eddie McFee is a bright, precocious 12 year-old 7^th grader, who loves his family, but is experiencing angst about who he is and what he will do with his life. He is overweight for his age and feels different from other boys. He hates sports, reads a lot and listens to Broadway cast albums on his stereo and… longs to live in a far away place. He finds himself inexplicably attracted - feelings that are new and scary to him - to Jerry Nolan, a 14 year-old boy who lives two floors below.

Dave McFee is a hard-working, very frugal man in his mid-forties, who works in an office by day and runs a concession stand at a local amusement park by night. He supports his family, but shows little interest in being with his wife and son except when necessary. He and Eddie have a strange father/son relationship. He leaves most of the parenting to Delia, and then complains that she is spoiling Eddie too much.

Jerry Nolan is a 14 year-old closeted gay teen who sets his eyes on Eddie. Despite their age difference, they have a connection to the arts, as they both sing in the church choir. Jerry tries to seduce Eddie on many occasions, but Eddie’s sexual innocence and religious guilt have prevented anything from happening.

Marge Mellon is Delia’s older sister, who has recently moved into the apartment next door. She moved to New York years before with her husband and raised two sons, one of whom is a Franciscan priest. Since her husband has died and her sons have moved away, she returns to Mass. to be close to her sister. If Delia is a devout Catholic, Marge is like a bishop and looks down on any unusual or frivolous behavior. Rather than dictate, she needles. Her attitudes are a thorn in Eddie’s side.

The entire action of the play takes place in the McFee apartment – kitchen and living room - and the surrounding neighborhood of Hampton, Massachusetts in November of 1957, during the week leading up to Thanksgiving and concluding on Thanksgiving Day.

1 

Scene 1: Eddie McFee is walking home from school at about 2: 30 on a cold afternoon in November, exactly one week before Thanksgiving Day. It’s about a half hour walk from school on Northampton St. to his apartment building at the corner of Beech and Sargent Sts. Eddie walks alone and fast. All of a sudden he hears a voice yelling at him from about a half a block behind. When he turns around, he sees Jerry Nolan, a new boy in Hampton this year. Jerry is tall and gawky and two years older, but seems really keen on becoming friendly with Eddie. Eddie is a loner and would rather be by himself. Jerry runs fast to catch up with him. Their entire conversation takes place as they walk. They sit briefly on a tree stump at the corner of Sargent and Chestnut Sts., a couple of blocks from Beech St.

Jerry: (out of breath from running) So, how are ‘ya?

Eddie: OK. (reluctant to talk)

Jerry: We’ve never actually met. I’m Jerry Nolan. I live on the first floor.

Eddie: I know. I’ve seen you. I’m Eddie McFee.

Jerry: Hi’ya, Eddie! I moved here in August. We were living in Hartford, but my dad changed jobs.

Eddie: Oh. Do you like it here?

Jerry: It’s kinda boring. Have you been here long?

Eddie: All my life. 12 years.

Jerry: And do you like it?

Eddie: I guess so.

Jerry: Do you have any brothers and sisters?

Eddie: No. Only child.

Jerry: I have an older sister. She’s still in Hartford. Living on her own…(pause)  I wish I lived on my own.

2

Eddie: Really? You mean without your parents around?

Jerry: Yeah. They’re annoying, always telling me what to do. They set down rules, which I do my best not to follow. What about you?

Eddie: I love my parents. My mom’s the best. My dad works most of the time, so I hardly see him.

Jerry: That’s terrific! I wish my dad weren’t at home as much. We’re Irish, ‘ya know.

Eddie: We are too.

Jerry: No. I mean Irish to the core. My parents were both born in Ireland.

Eddie: My mom and dad are both of Irish descent. My grandparents on my mother’s side both came from Ireland. County Mayo. But I never knew them. They both passed away years ago.

Jerry: My folks are from County Kerry. They love all the Irish customs and still live as if they were there. My mom hates American food. She goes to a special store to buy stuff.

Eddie: I said hello to your mom one day, but she only smiled and nodded to me.

Jerry: She’s shy around strangers. And she’s afraid of misusing English. She still has her brogue, ‘ya know. So does my dad.

Eddie: Oh, OK.

Jerry: What about your dad? I don’t see him with your mom at church on Sundays? Is he Irish Catholic too?

Eddie: He’s Irish but not Catholic. His parents, my Grandma Alice and Grandpa Frank are Methodists. But he’s not a church goer like his parents. He respects my mom’s beliefs, though.

Jerry: I thought all Irish people were Catholics.

3

Eddie: Well, my mom is but not my dad. Somewhere in his family tree, things changed, and they turned Protestant.

Jerry: Oh. (pause) Speaking of the church choir, I can’t sing good, but my mother made me join, so I would be more active at church. She’s making me join Catechism class on Monday nights too. I hated them in Hartford.

Jerry eyes the tree stump.

Jerry: I’m in 9^th grade, by the way. You’re in 7^th? (Eddie nods.)  What’s your favorite subject?

Eddie: English, or French. It’s a toss-up.

Jerry: You’re in accelerated, huh? You must get As. (pause) I hate school.

Eddie: You must like something.

Jerry. Gym. I like to run around. You like sports, don’t you?

Eddie: My body is not co-ordinated for sports. I’m lousy. I have poor balance due to an ear infection a few years ago.

Jerry: Too bad! Let’s sit down for a minute. I want to show you something.

Eddie: (reluctantly) OK. But I need to get home. (looks at watch) It’s already 3: 15. I should be home.

Jerry: Just for a minute. (He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a card with a picture of a naked man and woman on it and shows it to Eddie.)

Eddie: That’s …  pornography! Does your mother let you look at that stuff?

Jerry: She doesn’t know I have them. I hide my collection. I love to look at their beautiful bodies, especially the guys’ muscles. (Eddie acts uncomfortable.) Do you have a TV set?

Eddie: Yeah.

4

Jerry: Do you watch Superman?

Eddie: All the time.

Jerry: Do you think I could come up and watch it with you?

Eddie: Don’t you have a TV?

Jerry: Oh no, my parents only listen to the radio and Irish music. They think American television is violent, harmful to kids, and a big waste of time.

Eddie: Not all programs. But sure, you can come up and watch sometime.

Jerry: What about today?

Eddie: I don’t know…

Jerry: (reaching in his pocket; pulls out a pen and then pulls a sheet of paper from his notebook) Here’s my phone number. Call me and let me know when I can come up. (He leans up against Eddie for as split second.) I like you. I can really talk to you, but we need to get to know each other better.

Eddie: (very reluctant) We’ll see. I’ve got to get home. Doesn’t your mother worry? Mine sure does.

Jerry: She thinks I’m a pain in the ass, so I guess she’s glad when I’m at school and out of her hair. (Eddie looks strangely at him.) (He laughs.) Just kidding! Yeah, she worries, but she lives on an Irish clock where everything moves slower, so a few minutes more won’t kill her…

(They walk quickly toward home, Jerry talking up a blue streak, Eddie listening halfheartedly, as lights fade.)

Scene 2: As the scene opens Eddie returns from school and enters the kitchen through the open back door to see his mother scurrying around, preparing to clean the cupboards. It is about 3: 30. He closes the door on the way in.

5

Delia: You’re late! …OK, put down you bag, take off your jacket and let’s re-paper this shelf. First, I want you to take all the dishes and cups off the shelf, then tear off the old paper and dust off the shelf a bit. It’s too high for me to climb up there.

Eddie: Hi to you too, mom.

Delia: (rushes to him and gives him a big kiss) I’m sorry but we don’t have a lot of time. Dad gets home for supper about 5: 30, so we have to do this now.

Eddie: It couldn’t wait until the weekend?

Delia: No. There’s shopping and other errands to run on Saturday, Mass on Sunday and then Grandma’s for supper…we have to do it NOW.

Eddie: OK, OK. (He takes off jacket, enters bedroom and throws it on his bed. The bedroom is right off the kitchen. He comes back into the kitchen and gets up on one of the chairs. He takes a fair to moderate pile of plates in his hands and almost drops them.)

Delia: Be careful! Take two at a time. You’re less likely to break them that way. (Eddie knows how strict his mother is, and so follows her orders to avoid any more complaining. He moves the plates, hands them to her, and she stacks them up on the table.) How was school today?

Eddie: Not bad. I have a book report and the outline for my science project, both due next Wednesday. I guess I’ll be studying all weekend.

Delia: See! That’s why we have to do this job NOW. What book are you reading?

Eddie: I’m not sure. I may pick one I read last summer. That way, all I have to do is write the report…maybe that biography of Lou Gehrig.

Delia: You hate baseball. I don’t get it. Why do you like that book so much?

6

Eddie: I think it’s because Lou really loved doing what he did, and when he couldn’t do it as well anymore… I felt sorry for him. I wanted to see him defeat the disease, but he just couldn’t.

Delia: You have a loving soul just like Babe. (Her eyes start to fill up with tears. Babe was her younger sister who died from heart disease. Eddie never knew her.)

Eddie: I wish I had known Aunt Babe. She died so young. (pause)  Did you call Aunt Mary and ask her to go to the Ice Capades with us?

Delia: (wiping away tears) I asked Aunt Marge. Mary is too busy with work and babysitting Mo’s twins. Her grandkids mean everything to her.

Eddie: Aunt Marge will not like the show as much as Aunt Mary.

Delia: What is it with you and Aunt Marge?

Eddie: She’s just not fun to be around. She’s always watching… and waiting… for me to do something wrong, so she can criticize me.

Delia: OK, we’ve got the plates. Now (She pauses to survey the shelf.) … the cups to the left, one at a time. Be careful!  Oh, by the way, your father and I have decided to low key Christmas this year. We don’t have a lot to spend, so think of one special thing that you want, and that’s it.

(Before he has a chance to answer, Aunt Marge knocks on the back door and comes in immediately.)

Marge: I told you I would help you with the shelves tomorrow.

Delia: Eddie is doing just fine.

Marge: (She looks.) Mmmm…I have a system that works much more efficiently. (She sits at the table and watches like a hawk.) Hi, Eddie! How’s school?

Eddie: Tres bien. J’ai recu un A en francais!

7

Marge: (She looks confused, but nods.) OK. (to Delia) I got a call from my pal Helen in Long Island. She said they’re suffering through 10 inches of snow. I’m so glad I moved here last summer.

Delia: We get snow here too. Remember those snow ball fights when we were kids? It’s supposed to start by early tomorrow morning.

Eddie: Good! I hope we have a foot or more; then I won’t have to do my report and project outline until after Thanksgiving. (He tears old paper off shelf and hands it to his mother.)

Delia: OK, smartypants…what makes you think that they’ll cancel school?

Eddie: Wishful thinking. (He points to his head and almost slips off the chair.)

Marge: Be careful! No place for clumsiness where good china is concerned. (Eddie ignores her as best he can.)

Delia: I’m going to have to fix something for Dave soon. Do you want to stay for supper?

Marge: No. I have letters to write and I need to get a head start on my Christmas card list. (She gets up.) I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Eddie! (She exits.)

Delia: OK. OK, Eddie. Let’s roll this paper down to the end of the shelf and cut it. (She hands him the roll and a pair of scissors.)

(Marge comes back in as if she forgot something.)

Marge: I forgot to tell you, Del, I’ve been invited to Helen’s for Christmas.

Delia: You mean you may go back to New York?

Marge: I don’t know. I really don’t want to, but I do miss her and her kids. We’ll see. I’ll be here next Thursday, though…with my homemade ginger almond stuffing. (She starts to leave, then remembers something

8

important.) Did you tell Eddie about the presents this year? How we are all cutting back due to finances?

Delia: Yes, I surely did. He doesn’t really need much. Just a few simple clothes, that’s all.

Marge: And if you remember, Eddie, you have that miniature train set that you got a year or so ago. You can put that out and pretend it’s a new gift.

Eddie: Aunt Marge, I got that when I was 7.

Marge: How old are you now?

Eddie: Almost 13.

Delia: You are 12. You just turned 12 in August.

Marge: Well, remember, Christmas is Jesus’s birthday. We celebrate him, not ourselves. We need to remind ourselves of that every now and then. See you tomorrow. (She finally exits.)

Eddie: Good, maybe she’ll go back to New York soon, and you can ask Aunt Mary to go to the Ice Capades.

Delia: Shhhhhhhh…she may hear you. You know how she is. She can hear right through the walls…x-ray hearing, like Superman.

Eddie: Speaking of Superman, it’s almost time to watch the show. Is it OK if Jerry Nolan comes up to watch with me, since they don’t have a TV set?

Delia: You mean that skinny boy downstairs? He’s older than you! When did you become friendly with him?

Eddie: He walked home from school with me.

Delia: When did that start?

Eddie: Today. He just caught up with me and we started to talk. Ma, he lives downstairs and sings in choir on Sundays. He’s nice. I have no one my own age to talk to. Please!

9

Delia: Oh…OK, it’s 4 o’clock. The show is on at 5. We have one hour to finish here and then I have to start your father’s supper. Make sure that paper is down nice and tight. Here, use the thumb tacks; press one down about every inch and a half from left to right. (hands him the box of tacks)  I’ll hand you the dishes in a minute. (She busily wipes off the dishes with a cloth.)

Eddie: Can I ask Jerry to come up?

Delia: I suppose so. I really don’t like him, though. He’s older than you and too aggressive. I’ve watched him playing kick ball in the yard. He pushes the little kids around. He always seems to be up to some mischief or other, but I can’t figure out what.

Eddie: Ma, you don’t even know him!

Delia: I wonder if I want to. I wish you’d find someone your own age.

Eddie: He’s the only teen in the building. C’mon! He’s funny and we got along great on the walk home. It would be fun to get to know him better.

Delia: OK, OK. Ask him up. But you’ll have to run down there. Let’s finish up first.

Eddie: He gave me his phone number. Can I call him?

Delia: (under her breath) His phone number, huh? That kid is pushy. (pause) May I?

Eddie: What?

Delia: Not can I! May I?

Eddie: May I?

Delia: Yes, you may, but not until we finish putting these dishes and cups back up on the shelf.

(They continue working and bickering lovingly as the lights fade.)

10

Scene 3:  Living room about an hour later. Jerry Nolan and Eddie are sitting on the floor watching Superman. Delia is in the kitchen pan frying some chicken with garlic and onions. She shouts at the boys through the open door.

Delia: Will you please turn the volume down a notch? It’s too loud. Eddie, do you want to eat chicken with your dad, or wait until he finishes?

Eddie: I’ll wait until he finishes. I have to start my math homework. I just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, ma. No chicken, please.

Delia: Great! There’ll be more for your dad.

Jerry: That chicken smells really good. My mother never cooks chicken. You know we’re Irish, and she sticks to beef, corned beef, or stew with beef or lamb. We never eat chicken, burgers or hot dogs.

Eddie: Are you trying to tell me you’d like to stay for supper?

Jerry: Oh, no. I don’t want to bother your mom or dad. It’s OK. But if you have any leftovers, save me a piece of that chicken. Look at Superman’s baggy tights. I mean the guy obviously has a neat body…great thighs, but you can see the padding. (He starts to laugh.) It’s so phony. I wonder if George Reeves works out.

Eddie: You mean with weights? Maybe.

Jerry: He must, to build muscle. (He edges closer to Eddie on floor and starts to flex his arms and run his hands down his body toward his legs in an attempt to turn Eddie on.) I have a muscle magazine downstairs. Do you ever look at them?

Eddie: (He starts acting a little nervous.) No. I’ve seen those guys at school, though, the 9^th grade athletes who run naked through the showers. They are so big and are just trying to show off. Ninth graders really love to make 7^th graders feel like crap. There’s one, Tommy Bowler, who always slaps a towel against my butt and calls me fatty! I hate him!

11

Jerry: Hey, watch out! I’m in ninth grade, and I’m not like that.

Eddie: You’re the exception, that’s for sure.

Jerry: Do you really mean that?

Eddie: I said you’re the exception, not exceptional. There’s a difference.

Jerry: Oh. (doesn’t understand a word) …You have to see Muscle Monthly this month. Your problem is that you’re a little chunky, but on the right training program you could lose that fat, tighten up and look incredible. My problem is I’m too skinny, but like this guy in the magazine, he talks about how he built up from nothing and has the biggest biceps I’ve ever seen, and when you look at his basket, his shtucker is always erect as he’s pumping.

Eddie: Shtucker…erect?

Jerry: You are so naïve. It’s what I like best about you. There is so much I want to teach you.

Eddie: We’re Catholic, remember? We’re not supposed to be thinking about our bodies, except that they are temp…

Jerry: Temples for the Lord. I know. I’ve sat through that nasty catechism class too, you know. Can’t believe half the stuff that nun threw at us!

(Delia enters with a plate of cookies.)

Delia: I know I shouldn’t, it’s so close to dinner, but a little snack can’t hurt. Jerry, why are you sitting so close to Eddie? C’mon give him some space to breathe. (She rushes out.)

Eddie: I…I had an experience last week…I haven’t told anyone. (He rushes to door to make sure it’s closed, so his mother can’t hear him from the kitchen.)

Jerry: (really plowing into cookies) What happened? You seem really upset.

12

Eddie: Well, I’m not as bad now as I was last week. I was scared to death.

Jerry: C’mon. What gives? Spit it out!

Eddie: I was at the library reading a couple of articles for my social studies paper, and I didn’t realize how late it was. It was after 5, and I was afraid it would be dark soon, so I ran out of the library and up Maple St. When I got to the end of Maple, I suddenly realized (he starts to whisper) that there was a car following me. I looked to see if it was somebody I knew, and I didn’t recognize the man behind the wheel. There was hardly any traffic; his was the only car on the road going north. When he saw that I noticed him, he slowed down almost to a crawl, and smiled at me.

Jerry: A perve! He was a pervert, trying to pick you up.

Eddie: I have never experienced anything like that before, so I started to walk real fast, and he kept up with me, slowing down when I slowed down. As I got closer to Beech St, I couldn’t decide what to do…

Jerry: I think you should have gotten in…

Eddie: What? He didn’t ask me in, and I didn’t want him to… in order to confuse him, throw him off track… about which building I live in, I ran through the Beech St. sand lot and came up the back stairs, so he wouldn’t see me go in the front door on Sargent .

Jerry: What are you afraid of, that he’d come back looking for you? Guys like that just start stalking someone else. You were the dessert of the day; when you brushed him off, he probably set his sights on some other cute little boy on the street and followed him home. Who knows maybe he just wanted to give you some candy or a nice ten dollar bill.

Eddie: That’s disgusting. I can’t believe that you don’t see the serious side to this. Men like that should be locked up. He’s a menace to society.

Jerry: Call it what you will! But I could sure use a little friendly abuse right now.

13

Eddie: Like Jud Fry in Oklahoma?  Talk about abuse! Did you ever see that movie?

Jerry: My ma doesn’t let me go to the movies. I told you already…she thinks American movies will have a bad effect on me. They’re too violent.

Eddie: Oklahoma! is a musical film. I have the album; I listen to it all the time. Jud Fry works on Laurie’s farm and he is this big menacing guy that everyone’s afraid of. He is attracted to Laurie and wants to take her away from Curly, her beau.

Jerry: Sounds confusing.

Eddie: Well, it isn’t. And do you know they’re going to do the show at school in April, for two weekends? They’re auditioning right before Christmas. I sure would like to go in and audition for Jud Fry. (He mimes and sings.)

“Pore Jud is daid, pore Jud Fry is daid, he’s laying in his cawfin made a wood…”

Jerry: He’s dead?

Eddie: No, that’s Curly singing about Jud. He’s wishing he was dead, so he’d leave Laurie alone.

Jerry: Why don’t you audition for the role? You sure can sing.

Eddie: I don’t know. If I get too nervous, it’ll wreck everything. But I’ll think about it. If I could bring you into my room, I could play the score for you and you could hear how great it is…Rodgers and Hammerstein…and you could audition for Ali Hakim, the Persian peddler who falls for Ado Annie…

Jerry: Those are weird sounding names. No, no acting for me!

Eddie: Why? You’re funny and the peddler is funny. You’d be a perfect match.

Jerry: Funny weird or funny haha?

14

Eddie: Haha!  (He laughs.) You make me laugh all the time.

Delia: (barging in) Jerry, time to go home! And you Eddie, why didn’t you tell me about that man in the car last week?

Eddie: Ma, Superman isn’t over yet.

Delia: I don’t care. (She goes over to TV set and turns it off.) Go home, Jerry! (Jerry leaves in a hurry, but grabs another couple of cookies before he goes.)

Eddie: Ma, why were you listening?

Delia: It’s a mother’s job to listen. I don’t want you to invite him up here. He’s a bad influence on you. And you had better start taking the bus home from the library. I don’t want you walking alone out there, especially toward evening. It’s too dangerous. God, what’s our world coming to?

(She blesses herself on the way out of the living room.)

Delia: Oh, by the way, I think you should audition for the musical. It’d be good practice for you. Good experience!

(She leaves Eddie in a complex mood. He gets up, walks over to the window and looks out. Still upset about his mother’s interruption, he crosses to couch, picks up a book from the coffee table and starts to read, as lights fade.)

Scene 4:  About an hour has passed. Eddie is still reading in the living room, and Delia and Dave are eating supper in the kitchen.

Dave: What happened to the steak you told me you were going to cook?

Delia: We need to get some steaks when we go shopping on Saturday. What’s wrong with that chicken?

Dave: When a man works hard all day, he doesn’t want to come home to chicken and pasta. He needs a steak and baked potato.

15

Delia: What’s wrong with you tonight?

Dave: Nothing is wrong. (He is obviously irritated.)

Delia: We have to decide about Christmas presents. (She makes sure door to living room is closed, so Eddie can’t hear.)

Dave: I thought we said no presents this year.

Delia: We agreed on small things, but we didn’t say nothing. We have to get him something.

Dave: I already got him two miniature town buildings for the train set. He should have almost a complete town at this point.

Delia: I think he’s feeling a little old for that train set.

Dave: What do you mean too old? A boy should admire his trains all his life. I wish I had been lucky enough to have trains as a hobby. That boy doesn’t know how lucky he is!

Delia: He does, but he’s growing up. Things change.

Dave: He’s not growing up that much. You still pamper him too much, letting him do things that he should not be doing.

Delia: Like what?

Dave: Like sleeping on the sofa when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Delia: He’s afraid of the dark.

Dave: He’ll never be a man unless he overcomes his fears. You have to be more firm with him.

Delia: Well, when you’re not here most of the time, I have to do everything, and that puts a lot of stress on me.

16

Dave: I work to support you and him. I give you everything I’ve got. What else do you want from me?

Delia: Just a little bit of understanding sometimes. You know I hate to say this, but you’re turning into Frank McFee. He never talks to anyone. Even when Eddie goes over for a visit, if Grandma Alice isn’t there, Eddie has a hard time communicating with Frank. He is closed in.

Dave: I am nothing like my father. You know I’m sociable to everyone. I do the best I can.

Delia: Yes, dear. I know.  (pause)  I wish Alice and Frank had let us move into the first floor of their house when Aunt Sophie died. You wanted to live there, I wanted to live there, and there was a big backyard for Eddie to play in. Here he’s cramped into a tiny space, and life gets difficult for all of us.

Dave: It didn’t work out. I don’t know why.

Delia: You said your mother told you that Frank didn’t want a small child to be living in the house. It would make things too noisy and uncomfortable. Isn’t that what she said?

Dave: Yes, but what’s the use of rehashing all of this. It didn’t work out; that’s that. The fact is we have a 12 year-old son who needs more discipline regardless of where he’s living.

Delia: I’ll try not to let him sleep on the sofa.

Dave: Yes, especially with that other problem that he has.

Delia: He can’t help that. Doctors can’t suggest anything to control it.

Dave: The damndest thing. A bed wetter! Where did he get that from? It never ran in my family.

Delia: Not in mine either. No one knows what causes it. He can’t help it. Let’s change the subject. What are we going to do about Christmas?

17

(Eddie overhears his parents arguing and starts to get worked up.)

Dave: (very irritated) I’ve gotten him the miniature buildings. Buy him the clothes he needs; that’s it! (pause) Maybe if you didn’t spend so much of the money I bring in here, there would be more steak for dinner.

Delia: There is nothing wrong with that chicken.

Dave: (In a sudden fit of rage, he hurls the plate against the wall, pasta streams down making a mess, and there is food everywhere.) (very angry) That’s what that chicken is good for. It’s waste. It is not sufficient food for a hard-working man.

Delia: (crying) What is wrong with you?

Dave: I’m going to lie down to take a nap. Get him out of the parlor, so I can have some privacy. (Their bedroom faces the parlor, so when Eddie is there, the bedroom is exposed. The only way to block it off is to close the French doors, and one of them has been broken for years. Consequently, when anyone is in the living room, they can see into the bedroom. When company comes, Delia usually puts up a large Chinese folding screen to separate the bedroom from the living room.)

Eddie: (bursting into the kitchen) I want you to stop arguing, especially over me. I don’t want anything for Christmas. (He starts to cry, and his words build to a fever pitch.) This is usually the best time of the year, but ... I’m beginning to hate it, because of you. Please stop fighting! Dad, go take a nap! I’ll do my homework in my room.

(Dave exits to bedroom without saying a word; Eddie goes into his and slams door, leaving Delia alone at the kitchen table. Eddie plays Oklahoma! real loud on his stereo. Dave screams from his bedroom.)

Dave: Turn off that infernal music! How is a man supposed to get any rest around here?!

(Delia  begins to cry as the lights fade.)

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Scene 5: It is Friday shortly after noon. Snow is coming down quite hard, and Delia is taking a nap. Eddie is home from school due to the storm and is terribly anxious. He goes to the phone to call Jerry.

Eddie: Hi, it’s me. Can you come up and play checkers? I need some company. You will. Oh, great! (He hangs up.)

(Jerry has literally bolted up the back stairs. When Eddie sees him, he is overjoyed. He opens the back door.) Shhhhhh! My mother is taking a nap. Let’s play at the kitchen table. I’ll get the board.

Jerry: Do you think I could have a few of these chips? I’m starving. My mother is cooking a corned beef and told me I can’t eat until my dad gets home for supper.

Eddie: Sure. Help yourself! My mom has another bag in the cupboard.

Jerry: You sounded real down on the phone. What happened?

Eddie: (He starts to set up board to play the game. Jerry helps.) My dad got out of control last night. He got so mad at my mom that he threw his plate against the wall.

Jerry: Wow! I guess fake dads in books and movies do that all the time. But, your dad did that for real?

Eddie: Yes. It was scary. I think he’s unhappy with me. He hardly ever talks to me. Did you ever see Streetcar Named Desire? Oh, I forgot. You don’t watch movies. The church condemned it, so when I tried to watch it with my mom one night on TV, she sent me to my room. She wouldn’t let me see it, but I kept the door cracked a little so I could watch. Marlon Brando plays this big strappin’ dude who likes to push his wife Stella around. He’s kind of like Jud Fry in Oklahoma! …that I told you about. He has his shirt off a lot. You’d really like him. (Jerry perks up, as if keenly interested.) Well, there’s this scene at the dinner table, and he gets so mad at Stella and her sister Blanche, a real weird lady who’s visiting, that he throws the dinner plate against the wall, and both women get really scared. It’s terrifying. I watched

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the whole movie one night when my parents were downstairs playing cards. I didn’t tell my mom I watched it, though. I’d have to go to confession. (pause) I can’t believe my dad did that. He didn’t seem to care. He didn’t even apologize to my mother.

Jerry: Did he hit your mom?

Eddie: Oh, no. I pray that will never happen…but, I’m scared, Jerry.

Jerry: (into the game) I got’ ya. (He jumps over two checkers.) You lose two. I guess you aren’t concentrating. (to Eddie) I’m sorry…Look, don’t be scared. Just…be cool.

Eddie: I handled it pretty well. I told my dad to go lie down, but what if it happens again? (Jerry puts his hand on Eddie’s arm. For the first time, Eddie doesn’t move it away. They stare at each other. Jerry leans over slowly. Their heads come close together as if they want to kiss each other, when suddenly Delia yells from the bedroom and disrupts the moment.)

Delia: Eddie, are you talking to somebody? Who’s out there?

Eddie: No one, ma! It’s just the radio. Go back to sleep! (He whispers to Jerry.) You’d better go. I don’t want her to see you here. She’ll get upset.

Jerry: OK, but call me… if you need me. (Jerry quietly leaves by the back door. Eddie picks up the checkers and board and starts to hum “I Whistle a Happy Tune” from The King and I as the lights fade.)

Scene 6: It is three days later, Monday of Thanksgiving week, November 24. It is snowing hard and Eddie has been out of school since Friday, due to the blizzard. Delia and Marge are sitting at the kitchen table chatting over a cup of tea. Eddie paces around the living room, goes into his bedroom and comes out again, restless from being cooped up.

Delia: Did you do your book report?

Eddie: Why? I won’t have school until next week.

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Delia: You don’t know that. It may stop snowing… (she snaps her fingers) …like that! It’s due Wednesday, so go and do it. Stay organized like I taught you!

Eddie: (reluctantly) OK.

Delia: He’s usually not this restless. Being shut in for three days…

Marge: He’s a boy…but he’ll be a teenager soon. It’s the worst age, believe me! I’ve been through it twice. You’ll have to worry about girls and dating. Thank God, mine both became priests.

Delia: That’s a few years down the line.

Marge: Time flies. Watch him like a hawk and make sure he knows all about…(She whispers.) …the facts of life.

Delia: Oh, that’ll be my department too. Dave is never around. That’s his excuse. It’s always my responsibility.

Marge: I thought Dave only worked nights up at the amusement park during the summer months. What’s keeping him so busy now?

Delia: He helps his buddy Al run a concession stand in the Springfield coliseum three nights a week. That’s how he got the tickets for the Ice Capades. He likes to keep busy, and the money sure does come in handy. We wouldn’t have a summer vacation without it. And the upkeep of the car…is so expensive.

Marge: That’s what I love about New York. You don’t need a car. You jump on a subway or take a bus or taxi … to go everywhere. So much easier!

Delia: Do you miss it?

Marge: Yeah, I mean it’s nice here…quiet, but I don’t have as many opportunities to go out in the evenings. After Joe died, my friend Helen

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made me go to the Stardust to dance. It was hard at first, but I got to love it. It’s nice just to get out and meet people.

Delia: Did you start dating again?

Marge: No, not really. I’d just go to dance. You and Dave never go out… dancing, do you?

Delia: No, Dave doesn’t dance. He hates the movies. Something like the Ice Capades suits him, but 95% of the time, he likes to work.

Marge: What does he do for you?

Delia: What do you mean?

Marge: You need to be alone together. No romance?

Delia: Oh no. Those days are long gone.

Marge: Too bad. They shouldn’t be. You’re too young. We all need attention… affection. (long pause) Why don’t you wear a little makeup? It would highlight your lovely face. Use eyeliner; it will bring out your eyes. Do your hair differently. Put a rinse in; wash out the grey! Get a new dress! Something daring that makes him see what he’s been missing. Surprise him. Maybe he will take more notice of you; you’ll spend more quality time together and… things will be different…and wonderful again.

Delia: Oh, no. That’s just not possible. And I can’t believe that you would encourage me to change the way I look. God wanted me to stay home and be a mother, and a mother I will stay. Plain suits me just fine. (She sighs.)

Marge: There’s nothing wrong with being a mother who wears make-up and puts on a nice dress; you have to devote more time to yourself. I wish you and Dave had moved to New York a long time ago. You would have had more chances for a singing career; there’s so much more to explore there. It would have been great for Eddie too. (long pause) Have you ever thought of leaving Dave?

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Delia: No (confused)…No! (adamantly)…Marge, I’m shocked. How can a good Catholic leave her husband? Are you talking divorce? He’s given me no reason for divorce. He’s a good man.

Marge: No, no. A separation of sorts is helpful every once in a while… to spice things up. If Dave thought you were going to make a change in your arrangement, he would be more attentive…That’s all.  (She sighs looking out.) Look at that snow.

Delia: Did you ever separate from Joe? When his drinking got especially bad?

Marge: No, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about it. (changing subject) I’d better get back to my cooking. I already started a cake for Thursday. You wanted apple spice, didn’t you?

Delia: You’re already bringing the stuffing, but sure the cake will be great. I (whispers) bought a pumpkin torte at the Yankee Pedlar too. (her fetish)

Marge: Yummy!  (gets up and goes) See you later! (blows her a kiss)

Eddie: (coming into the kitchen) Who is coming for Thanksgiving? Why aren’t we going to Grandma and Grandpa’s like last year?

Delia: Because Grandpa Frank isn’t feeling up to doing any work. They work together when they prepare that meal. Grandma will come here. Dad will go over and pick her up. If Grandpa is up to it, he’ll come too, but I doubt it.

Eddie: I’ll miss Grandma, her house… and her cooking.

Delia: She’ll make a pie. And Aunt Marge is making an apple cake too.

Eddie: But Grandma’s house always smells so wonderful at Thanksgiving. It isn’t the same here.

Delia: Well, excuse me. I do the best I can.

Eddie: How big a turkey did you get?

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Delia: 25 pounds. Should be enough for all of us, with leftovers for your father’s lunch… sandwiches for you and him for at least a week.

Eddie: Is Aunt Marge making that awful stinky stuffing?

Delia: Yes, but I’m also making my own. Stove Top with lots of baked in sausage the way you like it.

Eddie: Thanks, mom. (long pause) Why can’t everyone be happier this year?

Delia: Where did that question come from?

Eddie: I don’t know. Dad went berserk the other night. Aunt Marge is always complaining; so is Grandpa. It would be nice if all of us had a happy Thanksgiving this year.

Delia: I think we will.

Eddie: I doubt it. Too many disgruntled people at one table!

Delia: (She laughs.) Disgruntled? Where did you get that word?

Eddie: Vocabulary list at school. Miss Coffey makes us write a sentence for every word on the list. She loved my sentence.

Delia: What did you write? Do you remember?

Eddie: There are too many disgruntled folks in my family to considerate it a cohesive unit. She liked the sentence because I used two of the words in it. Disgruntled … and cohesive.

Delia: It’s great, but I hope she doesn’t think you’re talking about your family.

Eddie: What difference does it make? You always insist that I tell the truth.

Delia: (She looks heavenward.) Saints preserve us, it isn’t easy being a parent. Damned if I do; damned if I don’t!

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Eddie: What do you mean?

Delia: I want you to tell the truth but I don’t want you spreading gossip about our family. It’s no one’s business how Grandpa is feeling or how much Aunt Marge whines.

Eddie: But she does…and entirely too much. How did her kids stand her growing up? No wonder Jim and Roger became priests. How long has Jim been in the Franciscan order? Since he was 16? I’m not surprised. He had to get away from her and that drunken Uncle Joe. Yikes!

Delia: That is no way to talk about them. Joe had his good points. He loved you and was always very nice to you when you visited them on Long Island.

Eddie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but his breath always stank from booze. And he used to love to give me a big hug and wet smooch. Yuck! I guess it’s easy to see why she became the way she did. Living with him made her that way.

Delia: You know I’m starting to see a side to you that I don’t like. You have far too much to say and far too many nasty opinions about everything. I hate to think what you say about me behind my back.

Eddie: You’re safe. You hold up pretty well, but I don’t think you should let dad get away with what he did the other night. That was uncalled for. I thought he was going to hit you.

Delia: He would never do that. No one in our family has ever done that.

Eddie: You don’t think Uncle Joe abused Aunt Marge when he was drunk? I saw him curse her out plenty of times.

Delia: But he never laid a hand on her, and your father would never lay a hand on me. He was just having a bad night. That’s all. It’s OK.

Eddie: Can I, I mean, may I call Jerry and ask him to come up for a game of checkers? I’m so bored.

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Delia: I told you I don’t want you to bother with him. He’s not the right kind of friend for you.

Eddie: OK, find me a friend, and I’ll stop calling Jerry.

Delia: Look, I have a little time before I fry your father’s steak. I’m going into the bedroom to say a rosary. May I have a little privacy for just a half hour, please?

Eddie: Yes, mother. Why do you and Aunt Marge always have to say a rosary in the middle of a conversation? I mean I can understand it with her, her sons are priests. But you? What good does the rosary do?

Delia: Listen, mister, the rosary means a lot to me. Prayer means a lot to me. It gets me through my life, and it wouldn’t hurt you one single bit to say a few prayers yourself. Talk to God! He listens.

Eddie: It’s a bunch of crap! Sister Martha tells us that God is good, but I don’t believe it.

Delia: What??

Eddie: I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m having some problems with religion, with God, right now. I think he hates me. I get laughed at in the locker room at school because I’m overweight. I ask God to have them stop it. But they don’t. He doesn’t listen. They keep picking on me and calling me names.

Delia: He listens to you.

Eddie: No he doesn’t. And you’re a goddamn fool to believe he’s even up there.

Delia: (incredulous) What did you say?

Eddie: You heard me.

Delia: What?

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Eddie: (He screams at the top of his lungs.) I hate him … and I think you’re a goddamn foolish bitch to believe in him.

Delia: What??? Wait ‘til your father comes home. You’ll be punished for this.

Eddie: I hate you! I hate you! And I hate God!

(Both of them are very emotionally distraught. She retreats to the bedroom to her rosary. He runs into his bedroom and slams the door. Shortly, music is heard coming from his room. The stereo is blasting the overture from The Most Happy Fella!) (In a few minutes, Dave comes in the front door covered with snow, brushing himself off.)

Delia: (She rushes to him in the hall.) Eddie went out of control. He told me he hated God and he hated me. I want you to talk seriously to him.

(Eddie has heard his father come in, turns off the stereo, then bolts through his bedroom door, runs through the living room and flies under the bed in his parents’ bedroom, cowering. Dave sees him, removes the belt from his pants and chases him into the bedroom.)

Delia: Dave, be gentle! Don’t hit him! Talk to him!

Dave: Get out from under that bed! Get out here like a man and apologize to your mother!

Eddie: (hysterically crying) Ma, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it.

Dave: I said get out here.

(When Eddie does not respond, Dave ducks under the bed and pulls Eddie out by the leg, Eddie screams at the top of his lungs. Once out from under the bed, Dave turns him over and pelts him about ten times across his butt with the belt.)

Now go to your room. Stay there… without supper! (Eddie runs.)

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(Delia is weeping. Dave has a look of pride on his face, as he belts his pants.)

What’s for supper?

Delia: Steak and pan fried potatoes. (He guides Delia to the kitchen. He sits down and she prepares his meal. Eddie can be heard whimpering from his bedroom, as the lights fade.)

Scene 7:  It is Thanksgiving Day, about noon. The blizzard is over, having left over a foot of snow on the ground. Delia has just removed the turkey from the oven. Aunt Marge and Dave are in the living room chatting as they watch the end of the Macy’s Parade on TV. Delia knocks on Eddie’s door.

Delia: We’ll be eating in about a half hour, as soon as the turkey cools and can be carved. Can you hear me, Eddie?

(There is no response from Eddie’s room. “Something Wonderful” from The King and I is playing softly on the stereo.)

Aunt Marge: Where is Grandma Alice?

Delia: She is staying home with Grandpa Frank. Dave will drive over later with their dinner.

Aunt Marge: Eddie? Where’s Eddie?

Delia: He’s in his room studying.

Aunt Marge: Studying? OnThanksgiving Day? He’s been out of school since Friday. He’s had a whole week to study.

Dave: Eddie hasn’t been feeling very good. He’s got a cold or something and has been avoiding contact with most of us.

Aunt Marge: Mmmmm…I know when something’s not right. I also heard him screaming the other day and then crying. What’s going on?

Delia: Under the weather is all. He’ll be out here for dinner.

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(The phone rings. Grandma Alice is calling to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Delia answers the phone.)

Delia: Hi, Grandma! …HappyThanksgiving to you and Grandpa too! Yes, he is. I’ll call him. Eddie, Grandma wants to talk with you. Eddie!

(Eddie comes out of his room slowly, very reluctantly and takes the phone from Delia.)

Eddie: Hi, Gramma! Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Miss you! Miss the smell of the apple pie and the pumpkin pie … Oh, you will? Oh, that’s great! I can’t wait! Yes, I’ll put him on. (He doesn’t look at his father.) She wants to talk with her son. (He lays down the receiver on the hall table.)

Dave: (picking up receiver) Hi, mom! Yes, I’ll be over with dinner in a couple of hours… You did? We didn’t expect you to make pies. Everyone will be so pleased. Say hi to dad for us. I’ll see you around 4 o’clock. (hangs up) Well, Grandma made apple, squash and mince pies for us.

Delia: Come to the table, everyone! Let’s feast and give thanks for all our blessings. Eddie, sit next to Aunt Marge please! Aunt Marge, will you say grace? (Dave carves the turkey - ignoring grace.)

Aunt Marge: Dear God, thank you for this wonderful food, for the companionship of this great family and for all your daily acts of kindness on our behalf. And bless all the less fortunate ones, who do not have a roof over their heads, or the abundance of a good meal that we have.  Amen.

Delia: And bless Grandma and Grandpa, who cannot be with us, but still keep us in their thoughts . Amen. Imagine, she still baked pies! She sure knows how to make a good pie. I’ll give her that.

Eddie: Is that all, mother?

Delia: Is what all?

Eddie: Gramma gets praised… only for her pies? We do kind of love her for other things too.

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Delia: (looks at Eddie in a very complicated way, knowing that he has really changed since Monday’s episode.) That goes without saying. She’s a dandy woman, your Grandma, and we all miss her today.

Aunt Marge: The turkey is so moist and flavorful, Del. Where did you get your cranberry? It’s better than Ocean Spray...so tangy.

Delia: It’s a little secret. (she whispers) I made my own…added fresh…

Eddie: (interrupts) I promised Jerry that he could come up for dessert.

Delia: I thought I told you…

Eddie: (interrupting) …that you didn’t want me to see him anymore. Well, what do you think God would think about that on Thanksgiving Day? How can we turn our neighbor away on a holiday? It just wouldn’t be nice.

Aunt Marge: Do I know this Jerry?

Eddie: He lives downstairs; sings in choir with me every Sunday. You’ve seen him.

Aunt Marge: Oh, yes, that rather tall, odd-looking chap. God is surely looking out for him…and so should we on Thanksgiving. Why didn’t you ask him up for dinner?

Eddie: He’s having dinner with his parents and sister. But they don’t have turkey. They’re native Irish and stick to their own customs and delicacies.

Aunt Marge: When in Rome. Irish or not, we’re all Americans. We should respect the custom of eating turkey onThanksgiving Day.

Eddie: Do you think God will be upset with the Nolans because they are different? Don’t you think God should accept them for who they are?

Aunt  Marge: (She glares at Delia.) What’s going on here? Is he talking back? I will not stand for backtalk of any kind.

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Delia: (looks at Dave, then at Eddie) Eddie, what is this game we’re playing? (She refuses to let him answer; immediately to Marge) It’s just another phase he’s going through. It’s not you.

Eddie: What do you mean, mother? I’m just defending God. Isn’t that what you want me to do? He loves every one of us the same.

Dave: Let’s keep it cool, Eddie. Watch your attitude! We’re not going to fight today.

Eddie: I wouldn’t dream of it, dad. I think we should all pretend to be happy, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s the way it’s going to be. May I be excused? I’ve finished.

Delia: You’ve hardly touched a bite.

Eddie: I need to diet anyway. You’re always getting after me to cut my portions in half.

Delia: Did you eat your spinach?

Eddie: Yup. I feel as fit and peachy keen as Popeye.

Delia: You’re excused.

Eddie:  (giving a thumbs up) Nice stuffing, Aunt Marge. It really tasted extra special…good today.

Marge: (to Eddie) You’ve never liked it before. You know, your politeness is getting on my nerves. God knows when you are lying. (to Delia and Dave) You are letting him get away with much too much here. It’s like he’s taken control of you; his attitude is a disgrace. (She gets up from table.) If you’ll excuse me, I’m going home to call Jim and Roger, then to lie down. I have a headache.

Delia: Marge, please stay…

Marge: No! I have calls to make to those who really appreciate me. (she goes past Eddie and glares at him on the way out) And you, young man,

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need to learn some respect for your elders. (She goes out coolly, never looking back but giving Delia a wave with her hand in the air.)

Eddie: (raises his arms as if in disbelief) What’s up with her? I even paid her a compliment about that lousy stuffing.

Delia: Aunt Marge is right about your attitude. Inexcusable!

Eddie: (mumbles to himself) Damned if I do; damned if I don’t.

Delia: What?

Eddie: If I act out, you punish me; if I try to be nice or fair, I get yelled at. What’s the point of trying to be sociable?

(There’s a knock at the door. Eddie goes and opens it. Jerry is standing there.)

Jerry: Am I too early?

Delia: (interrupting) Come in, Jerry. Would you like to join us for a turkey dinner? Eddie tells us your parents don’t have turkey today. We have plenty. Would you like to eat with us? (She gets up and fixes him a plate.)

Jerry: Well, ah, sssure!

Eddie: Jerry and I want to watch the I Love Lucy reruns special. May he take his plate into the living room? I promise we’ll be careful and not spill anything.

Delia: Use a folding table. (She gives a plate to Jerry, who then begins to eat from it with his fingers.)

Jerry: This is really tasty gravy and mashed potatoes Mrs. McFee. Thank you so much.

Delia: You’re welcome. Enjoy! We’ll call you boys for dessert. Pumpkin torte, Eddie, your favorite!

Eddie: It’s not on my diet, ma!

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Dave: Why are you letting him get away with this? He has had a rotten attitude toward all of us since he got out of bed this morning. Marge is right; he’s far too fresh.

Delia: Leave him be…for now! He’ll come to his senses.

Dave: When it’s too late. Give in to him, that’s all you ever do. (They sit in silence.)

(Eddie and Jerry go into the living room. Eddie turns on the TV set and finds the channel for Lucy. Jerry plunges into the meal like he has never eaten before.

Eddie: I don’t know what I’m going to do, Jerry.

Jerry: What do you mean?

Eddie: I had a dream last night. I dreamed that a space ship landed, beckoned me in and beamed me up. I was the only person on board. But…I didn’t have to do anything. Some invisible force was controlling the ship. There was a voice that told me to sit down, to eat and to enjoy anything I wanted. The voice said it would tell me when we landed in California. “California?” I asked, “I’ve always wanted to go to California.”

Jerry: What happened next?

Eddie: I don’t know. I woke up in a cold sweat. I can’t stand it here anymore, Jerry. My parents don’t love me. Hell, I don’t think they love each other. It’s all a pretense, a big lie. They’re always fighting, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it.

Jerry: What’s happened to you? I thought you were so happy.

Eddie: Not after what happened Monday. I got angry with my mom, and I just exploded. Everything I was feeling came gushing out of me. I told her off. I told her I hated God and that I hated her for forcing him on me.

Jerry: What? Are you insane?

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Eddie: I don’t know where I’m going. Yet there’s a part of me that feels so… different, liberated, free. I’m not hungry for food, but, I want to taste… other things. I can’t describe it. Like a bird whose wing was broken, and now it’s suddenly mended… and he can fly again. Except, I’ve never experienced flight; it’s my first time… but I’m not scared; I want to try. I just want to take off and explore...

Jerry: (putting his plate down and edging closer to Eddie) Well, I have always wanted to take you to the moon. Do you really think you’re ready?

(Eddie checks to see that both doors are closed, so no one will come in to disturb them.)

(Jerry starts to rub his hand against Eddie’s chest, then slowly down to his navel and then completely down his right leg, only stopping long enough to feel his member. Eddie gets excited. Jerry returns to his member, rubs it a few times, and then slowly puts his hand inside Eddie’s pants. He rubs his member a few times more, Eddie eventually moans and comes… to ecstatic satisfaction. Jerry leans over as if to kiss Eddie on the lips. From the kitchen Delia yells…)

Boys, time for dessert. Come and get it!

(They kiss sweetly and tenderly, as the lights fade.)

Finis.